Honestly, I was only there to care for you. For some reason, I only wanted you to be happy but all I got was a slap in the face. Everyday, a little joke or tiny insult with a meaningless "just kidding" blown at me. Ha! I was a friend to you?! Why would you treat a FRIEND like that? But of course, it's my fault because I went back to YOU because I cared. I made a silly mistake because all the day ended with was the same thing, tears and depression. You made it worse than ever and I never said anything. Why did I even think you were a friend? Even my mom told me you were a bad influence on me and all I'd say to her is, "NO, HE'S MY FRIEND. I won't let what YOU say get in the way of that." But still, the same thing happened every night; burning eyes, "what's the matter, baby?", lame excuses for my tears.
Only to go back to the problem. I was probably a friend to you, but to me, you were the source of all my sadness. But for some reason, something about you just made me want to care for you and make sure you were happy.
This is why I am so upset.
I'm mad at myself for this,
not because I miss you.
I made a mistake that I just realized now.
During the day, I was happy.
When you looked away, I was dying.
Not like you cared anyway, I was just a punching bag for your feelings towards others. I was the one you said hurtful things about others to as well.
I was just a nobody that made you feel good inside.
You created a hollow shell and destroyed it every single day you spent with it.
I'd hold your arm, clenching it and waiting for you to accept me instead of insult me, but no. Nothing. When we were with your other friends, you'd treat me like garbage. Only a piece of meat to keep you company if they ignore you. Right?
And those phone calls late at night..
I meant what I said every time you hung up, but I didn't know why I'd say it.
"They aren't just words you know, Jazmine." but I couldn't help myself.
I only wanted to go back to you.
I wanted your happiness.
I sacrificed my own for yours and I now realize that it was all a mistake.
And you were just a person I cared about.
You were wrong, I wasn't faking our friendship, I just hid my tears away from everybody.
But you were right in some ways, it is best if we weren't friends. Honestly, I haven't been happier with the people around me because they all know now. They all know who I am and that's a whole different person whom you'd never want to be friends with EVER again.
That's why I chose someone else.
