It's been quite some time since I've felt like writing on this shit-board-of-emotions. I'm about to become a senior in high school. Amazing, I know. I'm also turning (technically) legal in December. Like hell; who even follows those kinds of rules anymore? My boyfriend and I went down to the Castro today and geeked out on American comic books; DC, Marvel, etc. Being a little cartoon "hipster", I chose the first comic of Marceline (Adventure Time)out of every amazing comic in there. Whatever-- It's literally in it's packaging still and hung up on my fire-hazard wall of photos.
Sometimes I imagine myself burning to ashes in my room since almost every inch is covered in either paper, christmas lights, or plastic flowers. It feels like I'm in a jungle. I call it "Beautifully Unorganized". Pfft. Artists- what are you going to do with them?
Lately I've been bumming around the internet; mainly Tumblr. I find funny shit and just reblog like crazy just to avoid doing my summer homework.
By the way, I got into all my APs that I signed up for. Of course being a shit school scared of getting low-ass scores, they limit EVERYONE to two AP courses. All the geniuses are pissed off. Well, I decided to take Goverment and Art Studio. On top of that, I got into Biotech 3/4. God. More fruit fly murders to come. Last year in Bioteach 1/2 we had to breed fruit flies, knock them out with gases, and observe them twitching underneath a microscope. I'm so lucky that I had to do the assignment myself because my shit partner decided to show up like one time a week. Oh, well. Apparently only 'smart' (HA, im smart. not.) students get into biotech 3/4. I'll probably die since lab notebooks are to be perfect and I tend to skim over stuff too quickly plus I haven't taken any sort of Chemistry class yet.
--- random thoughts to write down because when I come back i'll want to realize how much of a dumbass I was as a young adult.
* I've been having the recent thoughts of my close friends punching me in the jaw. I don't know why. I just want somebody to tell me I'm wrong or how stupid I am and try to act all big against me. I want to taunt them with my cruel words that I keep to myself until they punch me. On the floor I'll keep taunting till I'm beaten to a pulp or until I die. I just want to feel pain on the outside rather than the inside all the time. Maybe a good punch in the stomach would help; like the one I had received in elementary school-- It was literally one of those punches that knocked the air out of you and you can't breath for seconds like you're about to die. It was delivered by a tiny boy who is now a very tall and close friend. Back then my friends and I would always play 'gang' sorts of games where it was girls vs. boys and something went terribly wrong when you were the leader of those games bestfriend. One thing I could really remember during that time was that bitch-ass adult monitor that was literally sitting right next to me when I was gasping for air, saying I couldn't breath and that boy punched me in the stomach. She didn't do anything but watch me. A stranger; an upper classman was the one who noticed and helped me over to the nurse. Nobody told the nurse what had really happened; not even I. I acted too nice and said "I got hit with a kickball in the stomach". Still, the little boy was found and he stood at the door looking away from me and apologized. I thought I'd hate him forever for that, but we turned out good friends by the time we hit high school. Funny, that same day my younger sister had actually gotten hit with a kickball and we ended up in the nurses office together. My dad came in and asked why both of us were in there and dragged us home. I got really off track with that story, but yeah. I would like to see what would happen if a close friend beat the shit out of me. I think I deserve it for hiding my true self. The inside of me is sadistic, cynical, suicidal, cruel, and terrifying. Everyday is like putting on a mask (even if it sounds cliche). I'm smiling behind something so obviously fake. It seems like now I'm slowly decaying from the inside out and turning into complete nothingness. I'd probably never be able to show this to anybody. Nobody can stop my core from rotting away behind this fake veil.
emo shit. heh.
